Thoughts I do not have time to finish thinking

Journal, October 2024:

“…dreams are not prophetic in the predictive sense, in that they tell the future. But there is something of a prophecy in the way they reveal the present. By revealing the present, there is something new to understand about both the past and the future.

Prophecy, an “inspired utterance.” Inspired by what? From the Greek propheēteia, “gift of interpreting the will of the gods,” from propheētēs, “prophet,” pro- (before) + phani (to speak; from root bha, meaning to speak, tell, say). To before-speak, thus to foretell.

There is a part of the unconscious that prophecies, that speaks utterances inspired by the divine. Utterances that interpret (and thus reveal) the will of the present moment—not naming that will as inevitable, exactly, but that make its trajectory known. The trajectory of a will is hard to change. You cannot do it without getting to the place from which the will initially extended itself.

Hm. I get up for a second coffee before typing the rest, but my thoughts change shape in the intermission. I had originally been conceiving of this “place” with spatial and perhaps historical referents, imagining an energetic spoke extending from a central will, itself something of an identifiable entity, emitting a force along the line of this spoke that ensured its perpetual return to the baseline, regulated, homeostatic (what is the word I am looking for?) trajectory it once dictated and that now, thus, was dictate.

But I begin to question this. What if the “place” from which the will originates is not one located in space or even time, but in a state of consciousness itself, a state which must be returned to in order to alter the trajectory of that will? Perhaps, therefore, that return, that getting-to, must be to the state in which the will was initially established. And that state—for the sort of wills seen by prophecies, inspired wills, wills of the god-hand—is what we call awareness.

Thus when you hover in that state, fate itself becomes your mind and your mind becomes fate. Then to prophecy, to foretell, to interpret trajectories that only the god-state itself can alter, is to be that god-state. To inhabit fate, be fate, is how we alter it.

Mmmmmmm, I am losing the links of sensemaking, thoughts come by but I haven’t the strength to grasp them anymore and parse them in language. I look at the time and realize I have been in a deep think for several hours this morning, and yet simultaneously am coated in an incredible crust. The dry, heavy depth of this think does not lend itself to the syllogistic linearity of its ascension. Another day perhaps.

Also questioning what I call “sense” in my oft-described process of “sensemaking” and whether I want to continue conflating the mind’s rational conjectures with a word intended to reference the body’s direct, corporeal experience. But that, too, is a consideration perhaps best reserved for another day…”